My best friend and the downfall of my support network10:40:00
My best friend and the downfall of my support network
It started in March, we were on our honeymoon and everything was amazing, I had all my favourite people with me, everyone was getting on, I couldn't have asked for anything more.
Friday came and we left the amazing dream that was our Disneymoon, it was a long trip home, but we had made it this far and we were still laughing!
On the train back, the last leg of the journey, everyone was tired! We were struggling to keep our eyes open, depressed at leaving Disney and starting to get cheesed off with traveling! That when it started, the downfall of my support network.
I didn't want to fall out, I didn't want to end the week in a horrible way, so I handed my mum some train tickets and said 'I can't sit near you'. I couldn't explain, not right then. My sister was stressed and my niece was crying. As you've probably already read, the sounds of screaming/crying has been eating away at me since Naminé was born, I can't listen to it, it makes me feel angry, sick and hostile to all around.
So I decided sitting away was the best option, it was the only way to not fall out...
However, I was wrong.
We made it home and thought everything would be okay in the morning, when we woke up less tired, not grouchy, happy, with amazing holiday memories.
Mum same over that morning and told me that she was disappointed in me, I was heart broken. She said I didn't support my sister and I just couldn't believe the words I was hearing... Didn't support her, I'd supoorted her all the time, anything she needed me, did she not know I was there for her? The one time I needed a break... And I was WRONG for taking it.
Things got worse, tears flowed and the arguments and hurtful messages kept coming.
The problem was it didn't blow over. We all talk and everything is fine, we an spend time together, but me and my sister aren't the same as we used to be. We're not as close and we just don't have the awsome relationship we used to have. We barely see each other and our girls are no where near as close as they used to be.
So I plodded along, hoping thing would improve, I stayed in more because she wasn't coming out and then recently, other things started to change, my sister and my friend have changed their lives. I'm happy for them, I really am. As long as they're doing okay and they're happy, then I'm happy for them. But, things have changed for us dramatically, they don't come out at all now, since they're relationship changes, they're too busy to go out and it seams that unless it's about sex, they're not really messaging anymore. Its hard to care about other peoples sex lives when a)you don't care about your own and b) you've got real problems like packing up your house while your toddler cries as she doesn't understand!
So my support network is gone, my mum is away and my husband lives to far to cuddle.
I was out, wondering through town shopping the other day, talking to Kairi about a number of random things, when it hit me... I have a best friend... It's just not the person I would expect it to be.